http://www.dot.state.ak.us/stwddes/dcstraffic/assets/pdf/misc/moosestudy.pdf
This will help me because it has the statistics of moose being killed.
http://www.dot.state.ak.us/stwddes/research/assets/pdf/mooseacc1.pdf
This proves that the fencing is effective.
http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/biology/b103/f01/web1/ouellette.html
This says how much the moose will effect the car hitting it.
I noticed that I use cantractions too much in my paragraphs. I will use more specific words in replace of those from now on. also I have some RIP words that i will soon replace. Also I need to finish my memoir then somehow shorten it because it is too long. I also use “I” too much at the beginning of sentences.
Ideas- These paragraphs need stronger evidence. The commentary’s could use more thought.
Organization- Conclusions could restate the Topic Sentence more thoughtfully.
Voice- More thought into the commentary’s could make the paragraphs flow better.
Word Choice- Most of the statements are clear. Needs more descriptive words to keep the reader interested.
Syntax- Needs to use transitions to make the flow better. It is choppy without them.
Conventions- Many spelling mistakes. Some grammer mistakes.
Presentation- The formatting is how Mrs. HC wants it.
Ryan gave me: Ideas 6. Organization 6. Voice 5. Word choise 5 Syntax 6. Conventions 5. Presentation 5.
Why was it appropriate for Della to cut her hair to buy the watch fob?
TS: Della cutting her hair was appropriate because she loved her husband and needed more then $1.87 to buy a great gift for him.
CD: She knew she would get good money for her hair so she decided to cut it and give it to a lady for money.
CM: Della was being a very kind in giving something valuable away and spending the money for someone elses pleasure.
CM: Also, Della knew she could always grow her hair back so she didnt worry too much in the process.
CS: Spending her money from her hair was a great way to show her love for her husband.
1. The characters in the story are: President Kennedy who was assasinated, Mr. DePalma the mean teacher, Gail the biggest black girl who called Elena names, Eugene the cute guy Elena likes, the old couple that was in the house by the tenemant, Eugenes father who mowed the lawn, Elena’s mother who tried to keep her from getting hurt, Eugenes mother who told Elena to go away and that Eugene doesnt need help, and Elena the main character in the story.
2. President Kennedy was assasinated. It is important because it hurts Elena’s chances to study with Eugene. And it hurts her race.
3. 1. She is tryin to help her with her life by telling her that hanging out with him will hurt her.
2. She knows that Elena will have to learn the hard way.
3. I think she cares she just had a really bad day and knew that Elena needed to learn.
4. I think she doesnt respect Puerto Ricans and she doesnt like them so she doesnt want her son talking to people like Elena so she tells her to leave. And she doesnt like El building because it shadows her house.
1. He finally gets the girl of his dreams and gets her in his canoe with his fishing pole off the edge then she says she doesn’t like fishing. He gets nervous and tries to hide the fishing pole but suddenly he hooks a bass. One of the biggest bass he’s caught!
2. Should he choose the girl or the fish? His question is answered when she stretches her arms to the sky and he decides that is what he wants.
3. I think its character vs. self because he has to decide, which one does he want? The big fish? Or the gorgeous girl. Which he soon decides, he wants the girl.
4. He really think shes beautiful and perfect for him but really she is full of herself and too old for him. He never had a chance with her. He should have noticed that when he found out she is older.
5. No, he should have realized that he didnt have a chance with her. She was using him to get to the concert and to go home with the guy in the nice car. He would have gotten way more satisfaction with the huge fish. He could have gotten a trophy which could last forever.
6. I think the narrator learned that he should choose his girls better and that he needs to get to know them before he gives up things, like the fish, for them. Next time I think he will give the fish a second chance.
My page is good. It’s not the best I could do. I would probably give myself a low B for poor word choice, and because the paragraphs are not very interesting. Over-all conventions are pretty good.
It’s going to be difficult for me to use proper word choice and interesting words. I have had difficulties with organization but I’m hoping to get better.